Gathatoulie

And of these shall I speak to those eager, That quality of wisdom that all the wise wish And call creative qualities And good creation of the mind The all-powerful truth Truly and that more & better ways are discovered Towards perfection --Zarathustra.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

the creative power of language

"We have a habit of thinking that the
deepest insights, the most mystical,
and spiritual insights, are somehow
less ordinary than most things -- that
they are extraordinary. This is only
the shallow refuge of the person who
does not yet know what he is doing.

In fact, the opposite is true: the most
mystical, most religious, most wonderful --
these are not less ordinary than most things --
they are more ordinary than most things.

It is because they are so ordinary, indeed,
that they strike to the core.

And this is connected to the fact that these
things can, indeed, be expressed clearly,
discovered, talked about. These deep
things which really matter, they are not
fragile -- they are so solid that they can be
talked about, expressed quite clearly.
What makes them hard to find is not that
they are unusual, strange, hard to express --
but on the contrary that they are so ordinary,
so utterly basic in the ordinary bread and
butter sense -- that we never think of
looking for them."

-- Christopher Alexander, "The Timeless
Way of Building", 1979, page 219

Saturday, October 31, 2009

dukkha

"The Pali word, dukkha, means 'incapable of satisfying' or 'not able
to bear or withstand anything'.

There's a lot of ground to cover there! How different to
say "Life is unsatisfying" and to say "Life is suffering"!

Maybe the word-choice was once meant to sum up the
whole spectrum. The first version sounds like something
a bored prince would say, and the second sounds like
something a starving mystic would say. If you were
someone who had experienced both life situations, and
you were given some time to think about it, you might
want to sum it all up with one word.

"Ugh."

In any case, it seems ridiculous for Buddhists to translate
'dukkha' as 'suffering'. For all I know, this goof-ball
translation has caused more suffering than it has
cured.

"In classic Sanskrit, the term duḥkha was often compared to a large
potter's wheel that would screech as it was spun around, and did not
turn smoothly. The opposite of dukkha was the term sukha, which
brought to mind a potter's wheel that turned smoothly and
noiselessly." -- Wikipedia

Alrighty then.

country song in reverse in reverse

"This is what you ought to practise from morning till evening. Begin
with the smallest, the most vulnerable things, like a pot, or a cup,
and then advance to a tunic, a paltry dog, a mere horse, a bit of
land; next yourself, your body and its limbs, your children, wife,
brothers. Look about on every side and cast these things away from
you. Purify your judgements, lest something not your own have become
fastened to you, or grown together with you, and cause you pain when
it is torn loose. -- Epictetus

Epictetus does not mean that one should literally cast away all these
externals from oneself. Rather, he is simply describing the ascetic
method which will prepare him to remain steadfast in the face of the
so-called 'inevitable misfortunes' of life. He simply means that one
should not acquire the disastrous habit of firmly fastening one's
desire to externals by judging that one needs them to be happy.
Epictetus' warning is that to judge that one needs some external in
order to be happy is effectively to make oneself dependent upon that
external for one's happiness."

-- http://puffin.creighton.edu/PHIL/Stephens/OSAP Epictetus on Stoic Love.htm

Friday, October 30, 2009

can't say no

From Psychology Today:

"It's difficult to learn from feedback that time will not be more
abundant in the future because of the irregular ways people spend
their time," the researchers write in the Journal of Experimental
Psychology. "Although many people may perceive themselves to be quite
busy almost every day of their lives, the specific activities vary
from day to day. Consequently, they do not learn from feedback that,
in aggregate, total demands are similar."

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

the internet is full of so many memories

Everyone who I had a crush on or who I tried to date
is there -- I know, this makes me sound so petty
and bourgeois (which I can hardly spell), like I haven't
really lived, but it's true -- they're somewhere -- hiding in
the crevices like mold in the cracks in between the
bathroom tiles. And here I am, reeling in my emotions,
which I've spent so long pushing and pulling, they
are practically like taffy now, all sticky and confused
in their basic nature, unknown, rejected (as it were).

Sunday, October 25, 2009

pain+anger: the top hits

http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/reporter/index.html?ID=2374
: capsule summary - if you vent anger easily, you're unlikely to have
a high resistance to pain.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200311/anger-pain-and-depression
: capsule summary - (snark) you're not special so cool it bub.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Pain-+-Blame-=-Anger&id=168725
: capsule summary - pain is the gasoline, blame is the match.

Helpful or not helpful, what's interesting to me is my own history
of "putting up with pain". (Not quite the same as "bottling it up",
although I sometimes do that too.) It's like I accepted both
pain and happiness as random events that would "happen
to me", and when they arrived, I would just "experience them".

Well that's pretty silly. Pain (or its augmented form, anger)
can take over... OK, it's sending a good message, maybe,
like, "time to heal!", but if that message is ignored, then
the pain (and/or anger) increases, and eventually nothing
else is noticeable.... then it's really time to do something,
huh?

Pain can be distracted-away-from --

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4865324
: capsule summary: "when children are asked to imagine being
in their favorite place or to watch TV or a funny movie or to play
a video game, chemical activity in the pain perception area of their
brain is drained away, and the kids report feeling less painful
sensations."

but is that the best way to heal or support healing? I sort of
doubt it.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

pain and anger

I'm realizing that it is sort of hard to tell the
difference between pain and anger; easy to feel pain and
get angry, for example. How closely associated are they
really?

In particular, it seems that one might get angry when one
feels "stuck with" pain -- not for any good reason, but
just because pain is a pretty miserable thing and it would
be nice to be able to do something about it.

Friday, October 23, 2009

what's real?

I made the odd gesture of asking YouTube what it thought
was real, and it came up with a 2005 National Geographic
documentary on the supernatural. After watching all five
portions of the episode, I got to this comment:

"I thought it would be pretty cool to believe in something like that
but I guess their [sic] full of crap"

Nicely put. Lately I have been Jonesing for info by skeptics
and cultbusters... perhaps because I really want to cut to
the non-mystical chase in my own "philosophical" work.

After maybe half a decade being interested in e.g. "magick",
(but with zero interest or belief in in "the supernatural") I
feel that somehow the "push" should be coming to "shove".
Not quite sure what that means, but I certainly would
prefer it if I wasn't walking around disappointed in something
that never existed in the first place. It seems to me that,
for example, there is a huge difference between stuff like
"binding" of mind and body, and woo-woo stuff like prana...

FWIW

"monkey and woman at peace"

I stayed up very late reading a book by Dan Savage
(of Savage Love). Aside from the fact that my day is
starting equally "late", I enjoyed pondering and laughing out
loud at Dan Savage's advice about sex and relationships.
Even before looking at this book, I was thinking about the
topic

What do I want in my life?

And at this point, I suppose I'm a bit more informed
about all the different ways in which I've stopped short
in pursuing it, often in the form of a bitter compromise.
I think it's the bitterness that's the problem, more than
the compromise.

I also took a brief look at the book on Chrysippus. His
questions,

Is there really something bad or good going on?
Is it appropriate to react emotionally?

are perhaps useful to think about in the context of
"bitter compromise". Bitterness in any form seems
reminiscent of "taking poison and hoping
the other person dies". Recast in less overtly
interpersonal terms, it's like eating shit and calling
it Shinola. Gah, Dan Savage has colonized my
brain! But even before he got in there, my
friends were talking to me about "acceptance",
which is a more positive way of talking about
getting-rid-of-bitterness.

It seems even more "positive" to look at the
first question I mentioned above -- I mean, an
answer to that question would be positive. A
question by itself often seems like a gaping hole.
Presumably there are at least a few things I can
dump into that hole and set afire.

PS. Interesting to think about "krisis" (judgment)
and "crisis" (culturally constructed need for
things like expert intervention or the creation of
group identity). Are we not qualified to make
our on judgments? Well, in the case in which we
judge (a) emotional response to (b) bad things
to be appropriate, Chrysippus, I think, said "no".
We disqualify ourselves, at least temporarily,
from making rational judgments whenever we
make irrational ones.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Library Notice

I have gotten a lot of mileage out of the Cambridge
Public Libraries this past summer (and fall).  The
latest stack waiting for me there is comprised of:

Savage love : Straight Answers from America's Most Popular Sex
Columnist, by Dan Savage

Emotion and peace of mind: From Stoic Agitation to Christian
Temptation, by Richard Sorabji

and

The Chemistry of Joy: A Three-Step Program for Overcoming Depression
Through Western Science and Eastern Wisdom, by Henry Emmons

These books have very different review profiles on Amazon...

17/33 gave 5 stars
1/2 gave 5 stars
13/14 gave 5 stars

But they all have the same or similar number of "average
stars", they all have subtitles, and they are all written by males.
Perhaps they have a little bit more in common with one another
too... we shall see ~~ it seemed like a nicely gathatoulie-ish stack...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

using "it's all text" and Aquamacs Emacs

There is something to be said for incremental
improvements. This system provides me with an emacs that
sort of works. And there is a lot to be said for things
that sort of work. Indeed the main thing that doesn't
work are my x11 modifier keys, and there's probably no way
to get them to work for the purposes of editing emails in
Firefox. Maybe just go with this for the moment (since it
is going to be worlds better than editing things directly
in Gmail and probably better than copying and pasting
everything (though I'm not 100% sure about that).

Thursday, October 15, 2009

scientific theories?

"Scientific theories seem to be a-causal chiefly only in so far as they are
formulated in explicit formal and mathematical terms." -- Gopnik and Glymour

Is that really true? It strikes me as odd that formalism and
math would pull us away from causal thinking.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

mycoblogging

One is at this point intimately familiar with Quorn,
the vegetarian protein product made form Fusarium
venenatum, a mold that is grown in vats until it
is mixed with egg whites and flour, and shaped
into ersatz chicken nuggets. With its conservative
critics who wax physic on the mold's gastrotoxicity,
and its liberal fans who insist that you try it in your
breakfast cereal, it's no wonder that Quorn has
captured the popular imagination.

But has anyone considered its potential for
use in online communication? The proteins
are manufactured in "two 150,000 l pressure-cycle
fermenters in a continuous process which outputs
around 300 kg biomass/h. The continuous
process is typically operated for around 1,000 h.
One factor which has limited the length of production
runs was the appearance of highly branched mutants
in the population. Several factors affect the time of
appearance of such mutants and a number of
strategies for delaying their appearance have
been investigated."

Ah, but there we must break with Dr Wiebe of
the Institute of Life Sciences, Aalborg University,
Denmark. Delay the production of mutants?
Pish posh. Our proposal is to accelerate the
production of mutants, and to form them into
specially-tailored hyper-textual nuggets.

What we need are (1) home fermentation
tanks; (2) integration with Twitter, so that
a text message sent from your cell phone to
your friend's fermentation tank will produce
a new strain of mold that will instantaneously
convey your sentiment in the form of a
semantic network or "bubble diagram".

In this way, the unassuming filamentous fungus
can help us "stay connected" with friends
far and wide, build meaning across language
barriers as easily as we ask for the salt
from across the table.

For further reading on Quorn, I recommend:

http://www.fungi4schools.org/Reprints/Mycologist_articles/Post-16/Foods/V18pp017-020_Quorn.pdf

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

THE THINGS I FIND MOST DEPRESSING, e.g.

Anything having to do with the idea that "everyone's a
winner". If the game itself isn't fun, winning some
crummy junk is no reward.By the same token, any time a person extends themselves
beyond their limited means to obtain something cheap or
tawdry, this is the most depressing thing in the world,
because -- look, how it has me criticising their modest
enjoyment, and lamenting the "human condition"!
You want me to find the good in any situation, to see the
beauty in everyone, but I just can't do it -- every time I
try, what I see is my own duplicity; the impostiture of my
mercurial wheeling and dealing that would have the world
for its plaything and the people in it its pawns and
ragdolls. That's only me playing cat and mouse with my
emotions!Under these conditions (which are, unfortunately, the
conditions of daily life), no judgment can be trusted.
Every sight is cloak and dagger.And even so, the rhythmic sound of synth bells, the taste
of coffee with sugar, and a few minutes spent in peaceful
composition bring me back from a horribly constricted
"edge" -- but it would be my absolute undoing if I were to
learn that this moment -- was made in China.
But, no, it can't be... outside, the wind in my face as
I'm moving, my breath stirring a little bit more; and I'm
thinking... I've written a nice little piece of
existential geography -- e.g.!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

writers workshop

"The workshop is a crucible in which every part
of the human equation is tested: creation, destruction,
leadership, control, privacy, exhibitionism, voyeurism,
love, hatred, fear, collaboration, cooperation, order,
chaos, victory, devastation, humility, pride, shyness,
bravado, and spirituality. For technical people, the raw
emotion is surprising; for the creative writer the clinical
coldness is alarming."

-- http://www.dreamsongs.com/Files/WritersWorkshopTypeset.pdf

Monday, September 14, 2009

five years, five chapters

Chapter 1. "Miserlou" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIU0RMV_II8)

Epigram: "As I've said many times, the future is already here. It's just
not very evenly distributed." - William Gibson

What is the future? It's just trends from the past continuing. Some of
these trends are mathematical, like exponential growth or sinusoidal
pulsing. Some of the trends are more abstract, cosmic, personal,
not described by any known mathematics but rather, the trash and
logic that would itself describe mathematics (if only they weren't so
autistic)... the dirty coffee cup, the stroll by the lake, a visit from an
old girlfriend.

The future is a giant demolition derby of all trends. For example,
technological progress (the exponential speedup of computation,
the growth of human knowledge) crashes head on into global
warming and disintegrates overhead like some sort of rocket
explosion out of "Gravity's Rainbow" (which we don't have time
to read right now due to the exigencies of modern living).

Chapter 2. "Monks 1966"
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWR4r78CWEQ&feature=related)

The easy corollary of William Gibson's statement is that the future
has always been here, will always be here, will never be uniform.
I'm inclined to look at the mechanism of a pocketwatch, and especially
at that little spring... what's going on with that thing? To understand
the future is to understand the unwinding of that spring.

In order to do this, we need to get past the tautological "Five years
in the future we will all be five years older" -- William Burroughs
staring at his wingtips wasted on opiates (or any other creature
hypnotized by life circumstances). For no other reason
than because I feel like it, I suggest that within five years,
we will have SIGNIFICANTLY cut through the "autistic"
barrier that enwraps prolonged moments of this nature...

I don't mean that "time travel" per se will be possible, but that
we will not get "stuck" in the present anywhere near as much.
This has to do with the increased interpenetration of mathematical
and amathematical thinking -- computer programming, for example,
will be doable at a speed much closer to the "speed of thought".
At the same time, so-called "information overload" will be
less of a problem. Life will be rife with prosthethics for
thinking better.

Chapter 3. "Dr Who" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF2x5IKxmAQ&feature=related)

There is a reason that the best things that contemporary
popular culture can provide are remixes of old ideas.
People have been around for a long time already and they
have pretty much thought of everything. Or at least so
it would seem. (I'd argue that we are at this point on
the verge of actually new thoughts, sort of like physics
in the late 1800s...) I would suggest that sometime
around five years from now we will have gotten all the
millennial crap out of our systems, we will be less
obsessed with "the old". So in addition to all the old
stuff continuing to play out and make steady technological
progress, I think we will see some completely "new" stuff that
will capture popular imagination (just in time for the centenary
of Einstein 1914, but completely unrelated).

Chapter 4. "The World is a War Film"
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe4luvg1Ltg&feature=related)

We imagine that conflict and chaos threaten our
future (see Chapter 1). I think it is more likely that
they only threaten our ability to predict the future
or to control or direct its development. I suggest
that rather than letting our hearts and minds be
tortured by fear and uncertainty, and at the same
time avoiding the opposite extreme of retreat and
apathy, we should embrace values of reasonably
safe experimentation and ("non-reactive") creativity.
I think in response to the current global economic crisis
(but even more in response to all the noise about it),
we will see new subcultures arising that make possible
a greater embrace of these values. (Different from
any sort of "counter-culture" or "cultural critique" that
we've seen in the past.)

Chapter 5. (Untitled.)

If *my* past five years are any indication (i.e. the
time I've been out of school), the trends we're
seeing now have to do with the rise of personal
power (as opposed to the power of traditional
institutions and other enduring modes of relating).
The traditional stuff will all continue to exist and
be remixed and even gain in popularity (like "Miserlou"
appearing in "Pulp Fiction"). But I think the
countervailing trend -- towards "unpopular"
innovations -- will become more prevalent. Perhaps
this sounds like some kind of "alternativey utopia"...
maybe... but I think it will be brought about not
by a 80's and 90's style consumerism, but by a
new sort of "producerism".

At least, that's my hope!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

you make me like charity

The song's logic of insufficiency or ineffectiveness
is really reminiscent of states I get into: "whatever
I do, it won't be enough!" Of course, not every
situation is so dire. But the remarkable thing is
that I seem especially to strive to "transform"
the aforementioned into logics of "always-already
enough"; into situations where "attendance counts
for 100% of the grade".

And what kind of transformation would this be? Is
it purely in my mind, perhaps -- seeking to delude
myself? Or is there some more subtle or essential
mumbo jumbo that one can enact upon the world
and one's bearing within it that renders the new
logic "true"?

For example, the knife applied to the square peg,
solving the round hole problem, gordian knot style.

Or... speaking of knots, there is some famous monkey
related thought experiment, but I did find an interesting
real monkey experiment on peer pressures.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Did_the_monkey_banana_and_water_spray_experiment_ever_take_place

Thursday, September 10, 2009

activist anthropology

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw
back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative
and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of
which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the
moment one definitely commits oneself, providence moves
too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents,
meetings and material assistance which no man could have
dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or
dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and
magic in it. Begin it now.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Quoted at:

http://faculty.plattsburgh.edu/richard.robbins/legacy/activist_anthropology.htm

Friday, September 4, 2009

thinking of scarcity

I am the thin king of scar city
that lives in you at sunset,
when you look at the light horizontal
and at midnight
when you see the brightest stars in the sky
and no others

Thursday, September 3, 2009

you, too, can be part of a think tank

http://www.ssfthinktank.org/

growing up in the country

"It is wonderful how people, who never come up against reality
from the cradle to the grave, and live all their lives a purely artificial
existence in some city divorced from all contact with primitive
nature, get into the habit of supposing that the conventions which
regulate their businesses and livelihoods can be applied to the
economy of the world at large. It would be quite impossible for
any member of the agricultural community, for example,
accustomed to the ways in which wealth is really produced, to
fall down and worship the institution of usury in such a naive
fashion, or for a Labour Government, to be guilty of the confusions
between wealth and debt which are characteristic of orthodox
politicians at the present time. We have in the hitherto association
of the function of Government almost entirely with those who live
by rent, interest and profit, and thus take from rather than
contribute to the revenue of the wealth of the community, a further
justification for the view already expressed, that the community in
its struggle for existence resembles an army officered almost
entirely by the enemy."

F. Soddy, at http://habitat.aq.upm.es/boletin/n37/afsod.en.html#fnmark-5

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

the doctrine of virtual wealth

This summary of the 1926 book "Wealth, Virtual Wealth and
Debt: A Solution to the Economic Paradox" contains by far the
most sensible-sounding economics ideas I've heard in a while,

http://nesara.org/articles/soddy88.htm

Innovative, but in some ways not dissimilar to a self-winding
watch w/ a regulator (i.e. as opposed to a "perpetual motion
machine")

It's enough, this morning, to make me feel like I'm having a
good day.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

scarcity, excess, and sufficiency

First of all, it occurs to me that these three "regimes"
correspond to spherical, hyperbolic, and Euclidean space,
respectively.

Second, it seems interesting to ask: Which things
are scarce? Which things are there too much of?
Which things are there enough of?

And -- are these things inherently scarce, over-abundant,
or sufficient -- locally, or globally?

What can be done with a scarcity or an excess?
(E.g. in the bath, you can turn on hot or cold water
as needed -- or if the bath itself gets too full, you can
unplug the drain.)

I think there are plenty of times when I'm interacting
with what I deem to be a scarce resource (perhaps because
of "artificial" constraints -- whether or not the "artifice" is
explicitly productive) and I get into some sort of panic
mode. There will never be enough, there is nothing I can
do about it -- and so forth and so on.

I'm guessing that just by requiring myself to go through
the checklist (1) Is it locally scarce or globally scarce?
and (2) if it is only locally scarce, what can I do to get
to a position where it is sufficient? -- I might open up
mental pathways that would allow me to break out of
my panic.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

more, regarding "how common?"

The brain gives itself a pat on the back for quickly detecting a
pattern among the faces. "It's good to make order out of chaos.
The brain rewards itself for finding something meaningful".
-- http://www.bu.edu/phpbin/news-cms/news/?dept=1127&id=41272

See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koinophilia (the theories here
seem sort of heavily Darwinian and a little sketchy at that, but
interesting nonetheless). I also like the word, which is reminiscent
of the term 'koinomics' that my dad coined to talk about "the stuff
I study".

Anyway, this business about "how common" or "how average"
is interesting with respect to things like the job search. Skills
at Python and JavaScript are definitely better for most jobs than
skills at Lisp! Nevertheless, for the Lisp jobs that are available,
pay may be higher than average

(http://lispnews.blogspot.com/2008/08/lisp-job-market.html).

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

physiological basis of emotions (episode 1)

... studies showing the
simultaneous involvement of noradrenergic, opioid
peptidergic and GABAergic systems in the
modulation of memory storage of aversive events
eliciting escape and avoidance...

... cognitive behaviors
(such as certain forms of learning and memory) are
characterized by a highly non-specific set of actions
(some mental) and are subjected to rich and
functionally important neuromodulations...

In experimental settings, ... reflexes can ...
be considered emotion-independent...

...the sight of a tempting water area can amplify
'primary (hypovolemic) thirst'...

... in the same manner as Hebb first proposed that brain
processes were the result of the activation of certain
neural assemblies, the emotional state can be best
seen as patterns of neuromodulation of these
assemblies...

-- http://www.snl.salk.edu/~fellous/pubs/emo.pdf

Sunday, August 23, 2009

another view on crisis

Crisis has come to mean that moment
when doctors, diplomats, bankers, and
assorted social engineers take over and
liberties are suspended. Like patients,
nations go on the critical list. 'Crisis',
the Greek term that has designated
"choice" or "turning point" in all modern
languages, now means "driver, step
on the gas." Crisis now evokes an ominous
but tractable threat against which money,
manpower, and management can be
rallied. Intensive care for the dying,
bureaucratic tutelage for the victim of
discrimination, fission for the energy glutton,
are typical responses. Crisis, understood
this way, is always good for executives
and commissars, especially those scavengers
who live on the side effects of yesterday's
growth: educators who live on society's
alienation, doctors who prosper on the
work and leisure that have destroyed health,
politicians who thrive on the distribution of
welfare which, in the first instance, was
financed by those assisted. Crisis understood
as a call for acceleration not only puts more
power under the control of the driver, while
squeezing the passengers more tightly into
their safety belts; it also justifies the
depredation of space, time, and resources
for the sake of motorized wheels, and it
does so to the detriment of people who want
to use their feet.

-- Ivan Illich, "Useful Unemployment and its
Professional Enemies", in "Toward a History
of Needs".

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

seen it all

"I've seen it all, I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness in one little spark.
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
And that is enough, to want more would be greed.
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!"

-- Bjork, from "Dancer in the Dark"

So, here's what gets me: negativity. And this seems like a big
conundrum -- what do I get when I say I'm "against negativity"?

It's not as simple as two minus signs make a plus sign --
a better model in this case might be something like a "no
smoking sign".

Then there's the fact that most typically to say "yes" to one thing,
you must also say "no" to many other things. So just what is it
about a "positive attitude" that makes it so positive?

My sense is that this gets into matters of the stateful-mind --
the fact that we are not so much "logical" creatures as "physical"
ones. I think that when we affirm things (whatever they may
be), we are also affirming ourselves.

I believe this is a well-worn philosophical track -- but I find it
to be no less of a conundrum, for what I think are cultural
reasons. We seem to have been brought up in a culture that
is adamant about "no". A "cultural critique" would, at this
point, just be a ridiculous semantic game, so I'm *not* going
to go there...

Instead, I will just suggest an empirical exercise: to look
at all of the uses of the word "not" that one comes across.
Is the process of elimination that this word suggests -- working?
Or is it -- not working? And... where do we go from here?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

my thoughts about intimacy, emotions, and overcoming

1. The satisfying of needs is done in relationship.
While it is possible, for example, to receive affection
without displaying it, even in strange cases like this,
both parties are trying to satisfy some need or desire in
this interaction.

Sometimes the relationships in question are with "the
environment" (e.g. leisure time spent alone in a natural
setting). At the same time, this notion of "environment"
really should comprehend one's total life situation.
(E.g. if one is followed everywhere by someone banging
pots and pans, it may be hard to enjoy the sort of leisure
I mentioned.)

I think the typical model is that we have "input needs"
(food, water, etc.) and "output needs" (human waste,
etc.). I don't think it is correct to treat affection as
an "input need", since it is so clearly about
relationships with other people.

However, I think we have another need, which for the
moment I will call "intimacy", which is practically as
different from affection as affection is from our need for
sustenance.

Like affection, intimacy has to do with relationships with
other people, however it would be more likely to be
mistaken for an "output need", the need to express the
truth of one's being. This truth may have very little to
do with affection for others.

At the same time, intimacy pairs nicely with affection --
to be treated with respect and generosity while you pour
out the contents of your soul is a very good thing. And
of course physical intimacy and mutual affection can make
for enjoyable times. Still, the term as I'm using it
covers more than just "bedroom matters". In as sense, I'd
say that our need for intimacy may be why we have
established a need for affection -- intimacy gives
affection something to be affectionate for.

At the same time, I think they are separate needs. In
much the same way as one can see one-sided affection, one
can also see one-sided intimacy in the unilateral sharing
of personal details with an uncaring or unfeeling
audience. Which brings me to my next topic...

2. The fact that "emotion" is not recognized as a need by
Max-Neef (the theorist whose list of needs I'm riffing on
here; see http://www.rainforestinfo.org.au/background/maxneef.htm)
seems like a big deal.

Maybe he is assuming that we "automatically" have
emotions. If this is the case, maybe he does not
recognize any "automatic" features of human existence as
needs because they cannot be "supplied" from without.

But I don't think we "automatically" have emotions any
more than we "automatically" have an identity. Just as
one's identity can be disrupted through traumatic events,
both local and total "emotional numbing" can take place
under circumstances of prolonged stress.

In a sense, "emotion" is the "master need" that shows us
our other needs. Without sufficient emotion, we are not
in tune with ourselves, and can, at best, mechanically try
to satisfy the needs we think we have.

Perhaps this is why Max-Neef leaves it out of his list: it
isn't completely clear unless you think about it how
"emotion" relates to "the environment". But it's actually
simple: it relates to that part of the environment that is
oneself.

3. In somewhat the same way in which "intimacy" and
"affection" can be linked and related, emotion and another
need I will call "overcoming" can pair nicely. One
overcomes one's "negative" emotions not merely by
replacing them with positive ones, but by "working them
out".

In addition, one can experience a sort of self-overcoming
(that is different from but perhaps contributing to
"growth") whenever one makes a change in one's life
situation (which we need to do quite frequently).

This is not the same as a protection-from, but the
resolution-of.

The relationship of "overcoming" to "intimacy" warrants
some comment. One overcomes blocks and stagnation in
favor of change. Sometimes one can do this through
intimacy; sometimes the blocks are precisely blocks
against intimacy.

For me personally, "overcoming" seems to be a necessary
response to feeling hyper-responsible or guilty -- the
somewhat neurotic feeling that I can "never do enough".
All too often, that sort of feeling goes beyond being
"motivating" and is just depressing.

I also want to point out that "overcoming" is related to
"understanding" but is not the same.

I do not overcome a "guilt feeling" by rationally
understanding that I am not responsible (I already know
that), nor merely by "paying attention to the present
moment on purpose and without judgment" (although that
could help). Rather, I overcome such feelings by
participating in the flow of my life, seeing that as
things around me change, my internal state changes as
well. As time goes by I seem to be getting better at
hopping onto this flow and experiencing this change.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

thriving

A report by "culturemongers"
Senn-Delaney suggests that these
are the three dimensions of "thriving":

1) Vitality: aliveness, enthusiasm,
energy, vibrancy, well-being,
being in the moment, being
engaged

2) Learning Mindset: creativity,
curiosity; sense of growth and
development, wanting to get
consistently better at what one does

3) Direction and Purpose: sense of
clarity and alignment of meaning
and journey; personal vision.

They further suggest that if one
of these areas is lagging behind the
others, it can be "encouraged"
through one of the other stronger
areas.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The true opposite of depression

"The true opposite of depression is not gaiety or
absence of pain, but vitality: the freedom to experience
spontaneous feelings. It is part of the kaleidoscope of
life that these feelings are not only cheerful, "beautiful,"
and "good"; they also can display the whole scale of
human experience, including envy, jealousy, rage,
disgust, greed, despair, and mourning. But this
freedom cannot be achieved if the childhood roots
are cut off. For a person with narcissistic problems,
access to the true self is thus only possible when he
is no longer afraid of the intense "psychotic" emotional
world of his early childhood. Once he has experienced
this through the analytic process, it is no longer strange
and threatening and need no longer be hidden behind
the prison walls of illusion."

("Narcissistic" here is a technical thing -- but in the
case of a "gifted child" -- such as I once was -- it sort
of comes down to being valued for one's attributes
and achievements, instead of simply being appreciated
for who one is; out of this comes an adult with some
hangups about achievement, someone who both
*has* to be a high achiever, and yet can *never* do
enough... until, hopefully, this person learns to live
their own life, not someone else's.)

Sunday, July 5, 2009

nothing much happens

"You talked about Crisis as the ultimate
decision a character makes, but what if a
writer is attempting to create a story
where nothing much happens, where people
don't change, they don't have any
epiphanies. They struggle and are
frustrated and nothing is resolved. More
a reflection of the real world --"

"The real world? The real fucking world?
First of all, if you write a screenplay
without conflict or crisis, you'll bore
your audience to tears. Secondly:
Nothing happens in the real world? Are
you out of your fucking mind? People are
murdered every day! There's genocide and
war and corruption! Every fucking day
somewhere in the world somebody
sacrifices his life to save someone else!
Every fucking day someone somewhere makes
a conscious decision to destroy someone
else! People find love! People lose it,
for Christ's sake! A child watches her
mother beaten to death on the steps of a
church! Someone goes hungry! Somebody
else betrays his best friend for a woman!
If you can't find that stuff in life,
then you, my friend, don't know much
about life! And why the fuck are you
taking up my precious two hours with your
movie? I don't have any use for it! I
don't have any bloody use for it!"

-- from Charlie and Donald Kaufman's, "Adaptation"

Monday, June 29, 2009

no prophylaxis for the normal neurosis

This wonderful phrase appears in "Constructing the
Sexual Crucible" by David Schnarch. This is the
most sensible psychology book I've read in some
time. (Perhaps because it's neither self-help nor
pop psychology nor French philosophy, but, apparently,
a text book for practicing therapists.)

The idea of "no prophylaxis for the normal neurosis"
is that modern psychology (for the most part) does
not try to prevent the problems that people in our
society are inevitably going to face. There's a
degree of circularity there -- but what we're talking
about are things like "money stress" or "no common
ground with people who you meet on the street".

The main theme of the book is that most people
are the 'walking undifferentiated'. As a whole we are
not what you would call mature and well-balanced
adults; rather, according to Dr Schnarch, most people
are dependent, anxiety-ridden, and, in particular,
incapable of sustaining a 'healthy' intimacy.

But, per usual with these things, there may be hope.
The idea in this book (I think -- I'm only 136 pages
into it) is to use intimacy -- situations where you
know yourself in and through the presence of another
person -- to build your sense of self. This is as
opposed to mere 'closeness' in which you form
part of a physical system with another person.
Knowledge and learning are key.

The challenge suggested in this book is that
people generally resist growth (as much as some
of us might say how much we love it); they find it hard
and otherwise objectionable. On the hopeful side,
Schnarch's model of intimacy does not demand
reciprocity, trust, or any of the typical fuzzy "pop"
notions of intimacy. It just requires what I
said above -- and when put that way, it appears
that we have many opportunities to try for the
kind of growth that we're sort of sluggish about
effecting.

This seems to be an intimacy without easy
answers. And, until we get more comfortable
in our own skins, with a considerable amount
of frustration and pain.

As for "relationship advice" or how to make this
work, at this point in the book, Schnarch quotes
Gibran:

"Love one another, but do not make a bond of
love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the
shores of your souls."

(I think this quote is quite a wonderful challenge
to the notion of fixed links or relationships between
things... it seems like a good way to express a
connection A<-B->C when all of the terms may be
changing.)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

report on crisisology

Wikipedia suggests the following meanings or properties of the word
"crisis" (cf. Tim's one-earlier post):

(1) A crisis (plural: crises) (from the Greek κρίσις) may occur
on a personal or societal level. It may be a traumatic or stressful
change in a person's life, or an unstable and dangerous social
situation, in political, social, economic, military affairs, or a
large-scale environmental event, especially one involving an
impending abrupt change.

(2) More loosely, it is a term meaning 'a testing time' or 'emergency
event'. [1]

I wonder if successive revisions to the definition or etymology
of a word might reflect a sort of *crisis of meaning*. In saying
this, I'm attempting to bring these two words (crisis = *selection*
and meaning := *selection process*) into a mutually-defining
relation.

My off-the-cuff notion can be expanded thusly:

"Meaning" is either personal or social; it is how we identify things
we call "dangerous" or "unstable" (by building models that tell
us how THIS implies THAT); it is, further, how we assimilate
('passively') or negotiate ('actively') the events that we're
party to; but more importantly,

*what we call 'crises' are (or precipitate) changes in the
selection process, in other words, changes in meanings.*

On the personal level, what this suggests is that "identity"
or "sense of self" is challenged in a crisis situation. For
example, if you think that "I'm not the kind of person who..."
but subsequently find yourself exhibiting the elided behavior,
this is a personal crisis. "I always thought I was such-and-such,
but *now I realize I'm the one who*..." -- from cases like this,
we see that identity can be changed or even created out of
crisis.

On the societal level, a crisis is (or precipitates) changes in
"the way we do things". It is thus inherently anti-conservative,
but it need not therefor be "progressive".

On these understandings of the word "crisis", it is neither
"healthy" nor "unheathy" but in point of fact essential.

The new science of crisisology might be of use in both
manufacturing and defusing crises, in selecting *useful*
crises over non-useful ones, or perhaps in smoothing
certain transitions (which does not eliminate the crisis
but *merely makes it continuous as opposed to discrete*).

The "radical" claim of this author is that crisis should be
embraced as not merely the touch-stone but in fact
the very engine or essence of meaning. Crises, which
simultaneously curtail an individual's decision-making
ability and yet force a decision, are the events that
define the boundary of "self".

"Choose or forfeit your choice" is the crisisologist's
paradoxical version of the Cartesian "cogito", along
with the alternate, equally viable and equally
paradoxical "Choose and forfeit".

On this view, crisisology is (cf. 1st paragraph above)
a sort of "quantum philology" and holistic detection
technique all rolled into one. I close this report with
a call for further study.

[1]: I'm reminded here of "The Test Drive" by
Avital Ronell which (ha ha) is available for trial
purposes at

http://books.google.com/books?id=bwgn0agWkyQC&dq=the+test+drive+book&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=LLE6SoTkKYuUMqL_wbAF&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4

(This essay seems to be on a very Ronellish theme.)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I've noticed on wikipedia that an accepted etymology or other such explanation is often preceded by an anecdote, often demarcated as unreliable. For an example of the form just look up teetotalism, which illustrates the form nicely.

"One anecdote attributes the origin of the word to... / A more likely explanation is that teetotal is..."

I suggest that this convention is largely an effect of the "accretion environment" where the accepted fact or truth often acknowledges the imperfect predecessor which possibly inspired the more knowledgable editor to correct the article. Of course it's also partly just the desire to appear erudite, by dismissing a spurious theory before presenting the truth.

In either case, it's an interesting form for a repository of knowledge and might be worth some further study. Does the discussion, dynamic over time, almost literally stratify into a sort of fossil record, in a consistent and predictable way? What about erosion?

(Note of course my complete lack of scholarly rigor as I'm not even testing the hypothesis on the case I cite. It's Sunday & I'm lazy.)

Monday, May 25, 2009

meteorite

Ray set up this wiki on metameso, for Novel Research Institute and
other things.

http://metameso.org/cgi-bin/wiki.pl/HomePage

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

may

All kinds of different things on my mind -- these seem practical,
but there are many of them, and that isn't necessarily so practical.

* Get the search engine going, provide a search UI.

* Display these articles in at least one or two nice ways
(list of titles, perhaps also cluded list of actual content)

* With that as an example, build a document that has pieces
cluded from a bunch of different sources, using text properties
in rendered version, and some suitable "inverted index-like"
representation in the backend.

* Be able to round-trip my LaTeX documents, which implies
being able to edit pieces of the text (and hopefully structure)

* Have some different ways of displaying comments (e.g. in
a side-buffer, or indented)

* A functional browser (w/ histories etc.)

* Get rid of "sup codes", add in database-driven theories

Monday, May 11, 2009

sunshine

It was a strange experience, because I was listening to this
recent recording of my voice (and others reading some of my
stuff), then the theme of "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind" started playing... I had forgotten that I wasn't just playing
a single from the command line, but instead listening to the
track in iTunes. Anyway, the way the theme is recorded is
great -- the piano sounds like it's either being played off
of an LP or just that it's mic'd in some funny way -- or could
that just be the dithery background sample interacting?

Instrumentation is interesting, playing right along w/ the
piano in places.

Anyway, the spoken word stuff that preluded this is here:

http://metameso.org/~joe/pma-bennington.mp3

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

musical letters (now in techno-color)

http://metameso.org/~joe/marimba.mp3
http://metameso.org/~joe/musical-letters-demo-2.jpg

Thanks Anders for the encouragement to get this done!!
Now my keyboard is tuned like a banjo (but sounds a marimba).

Here's another shorter demo: http://metameso.org/~joe/test1.mp3

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

scholia again, some more

http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/118718711/abstract?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0

Monday, April 27, 2009

April B and C (retrospective)

I'm feeling somewhat glum about the fact that
I don't really remember what happened towards
the end of week B; and I know I went on vacation
sometime in the midst of week C.

At the same time, I'm not glum at all to note
that I seem to have gotten all the "important"
code in the file working again -- this leaves
me with the decision between fixing up the
less important stuff too, just for the sake of
principle, or diving into some new and less
explored territory.

The other thing I'm wondering about is "how
to make work fun again". Not that it's even
been completely un-fun: it's more that I'm
realizing that feelings of dread or worry &c
tend to throw off some of the balance inherent
to the fun-ness. Any time (or worse, any
time period -- like a week) in which I seem to
drop the ball, tends to engage my stressful
feelings. I get wrapped up in the inevitability
of actuality not matching my models -- which
in fact I think is probably a good thing, since
life in a model reality would probably be
rather dull. Still, if things feel too out of
control, I get really upset. My hope is to
"start over" on a realistic scale -- and also
to acknowledge that I did get some things
done even if I didn't explicitly plan what
they would be. It doesn't mean anything
dire like "I wasn't being proactive". I have
to wonder, if I'm feeling pressured, where
is the pressure coming from? It's not as
though I'd be all that willing to opt in to
unmanageable pressure, so what gives?
I want to challenge myself to resist
getting stuck in someone else's pressure
field, while at the same time retaining
my own senses of fun and balance at
the ready.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

the geography of poetics

Look at some collection of words. Each word points
directly to its definition, which sums up all of the
word's usages. A definition is like the grand central
station of a word.

A poem asks the reader to travel in and between word
metropolises: from the city center, then out into the
countryside, and into nearby towns and cities. To look
around, and get to know what happens here.

By suggesting direct connections between now-adjacent but
geographically disparate words (both on the page and
implied), poetry invites the reader into the unexpected:
"lavender" "bouquet"... this excellent wine has a lavender
bouquet!

The reader's emotions or thoughts come from their road
weariness or their wanderlust; or from their sense of
themselves playing a profound role in the world of the
poem: bringing mountains to Mohamed, or stealing fire from
the gods.

The reader and the poet together have between them life, a
whole world, in a jar.

The reader may dive in as a hero, an explorer, or a mere
tourist, but the poet is always Geographer of the
Possible. The poem itself is a handshake between poet and
reader, a thin surface, a hot air balloon drifting along
cultural currents to unknown destinations.

more music

http://metameso.org/~joe/ambient.mp3

Friday, April 10, 2009

yeah so

Stress is this annoying but wonderful part of life.
It causes you to think weirdly. Why does it exist?
Perhaps because we think too much or because
we overreact to or avoid problems. It's for this reason that I want to start an Autonomous Chthonic Bon Ton for Studies in Stress Management. It's not as though we don't have access to all the submarines, drugs, and witchcraft that we might need -- just look at the film "Tideland" (or even this one image from it).

Thursday, April 9, 2009

testing

After many long (why so many?) and tedious hours
I seem to have a reasonably well-functioning
Gmail/GNUS installation working. But even if
it isn't I don't see myself having much more
time to futz with it. However, it may save
me the effort of many future cut-and-pastes
and could get me working back within Emacs
almost all the time again. Which would be
great.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

remote collaboration w/ Anders Amala

http://metameso.org/~joe/dulcimer-bango-dorian-g.mp3

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

April A (retrospective)

This week I believe that I got into a bit of a panic
about "getting work done", since I've imagined
April as this time when I'm supposed to do a lot
of that. Intermixed with panicking, I think I also
gathered some perspective on where things are
at.

The first thing is: I seem to be "very close" to
having everything that was working in my old
code working again in the new code. The main
frustration associated with working with a series of
prototypes is that each new one breaks a lot of
things in the one before it. Anyway, the fact that
it's close to all working again is great, but I'm also
feeling the pressure to get it "there".

The second thing is: even when that is done,
there will be several more things that I'll want
to do to make something really interesting or
useful. I've picked five core things that I might
spend the rest of the month on.

* Search, by which I basically mean word-based
search a la Sphinx, but which could also combine
with semantic search.

* Editing, for which it will be important to notice
the difference between structural changes and
"superficial" changes at the level of content or
'leaves'.

* Browsing, which also has to do with constructing
and processing queries which return the desired
material (and so may be related to search). (Note
that in some previous prototypes there were pretty
nice features for browsing.)

* Clusions, which I now picture as frames occupying
the second component of a triple, but for which I
still need to assemble the other components of
a functional, fundamental, design. For example,
just how will they work for users? Wiki-style?
Sticky- (as in text properties) style? (Note that
a previous prototype had some "OK" treatment
of clusions, but I think it got overwhelming for me.)

* Tasks, which I have a simple system set up
to "manage" -- but does this system even lend itself
to keeping track of my tasks?

With this for "perspective", I'll also mention -- that
I've cleaned up my (mobile) workspace to a reasonable
degree for beginning a new, intense, month of work.
As I go into the next week, I'll be thinking about how
to distribute my time among these 5+1 items -- and
hopefully knocking out the special one that stands
between me and a "fully functional system".

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

audioblog

I had the idea of posting short practice snippets to share w/ my
musical friend Anders. May as well share at least some of them
with everyone:

http://metameso.org/~joe/joe-4-1-09.wma

5 minutes, 5 strings.

Monday, March 30, 2009

people

When I consider that it's unlikely that what I'm going
to say will be amazing, I pay more attention to how I
say it. Like, right now I'm saying it from bed, in
the form of large white letters against a completely
black screen, with a pint of tea in my belly and a cat
at my feet.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this
aesthetic, it might be hard to imagine, but it's a
combination that could never fail to make me happy.

But the fact is, I'm tired, and somewhat anxious.
Anxious about being tired; for, what if I were to stay
this tired forever? And tired from being anxious.

How does a person break out of this sort of feedback
loop? I feel like I need to take slow steps towards
recovery, like the proverbial learning to walk again.
As it is, I feel like I've been larded with effort:
the effort to smile, the effort to speak, the effort
to work, and so forth and so on.

How did this happen? I suspect I have not had or
maintained clear boundaries about my energy
expenditure; I've allowed myself to be overextended,
not in any one particular dimension of life, but in
many. And of course I take responsibility for the
demands placed on my time and energy: I'm the one who
says "yes" or "OK" to too much.

So, to refresh, but also, I hope, to learn! Because
otherwise, how many more days will go by walking burnt
out? How much time in my life have I already spent in
this mode? -- maybe then I didn't know any better.

What do I say "yes" to? Perhaps more to the point, I
tire myself out by repeating phrases, ideas, or
actions that I haven't learned to say "no" to; that I
don't understand or appreciate; and perhaps I imagine
that if I work harder, if I think harder, or if I feel
more intensely, I will either adjust or manage to
bring about some change.

At these times, I seem to neglect what I know about
what makes an "interface", in other words, what makes
change of any sort possible.

Viewed positively, it might be that enough repetition
does bring about an eventual crisis wherein something
happens: but this crisis is taxing and the whole
process seems inefficient. An analysis in terms of
the "productive crisis" neglects all the other
possible paths.

When hesitant feelings nag at me, why do I push them
aside? Or, why do I push through emotional
underbrush, this difficult-feeling stuff, ignoring a
perfectly reasonable path?

Perhaps it's just because the path goes in a different
direction. Or perhaps I've built up an immunity to
listening to aspects of my emotional self, over time,
some sort of polarizing filter that blocks out certain
possibilities that, if I tried them, I'd find most
salutory.

Well, I wonder now -- if the notion of "balance" isn't
itself suspect, since it is what allows these giant
towers to be erected. They can't last.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

March D

Rather than continuing with the daily countdown, which
seems so morbid if I actually do it, and which is hard to
force myself to do anyway, I think that since my schedule
is broken into months and the months into weeks, I
might just post weekly progress reports. These seem
to have considerably less "doom" associated with them,
and, besides, it brings my attention back to what I
was planning to work on anyway.

Basically, some things are "behind", some things are
"on time", some things I think I could knock out quite
easily right away. Over the weekend it seems like
my life flared up and work was almost impossible.
However, I'm not in disaster mode: this week is
pretty fresh, and I can also get started thinking about
April. Right now it's early afternoon and I want
to keep track of the "transvaluation" I described
earlier. It's always a bit tricky after romping around
emotionally and so on, to get back to doing "one
thing at a time". But the prospects seem pleasant,
too. This evening I'll look at some of the easy to
knock out things: today, on Arxana.

This week I'm planning to: prepare a seminar
on upcoming milestones and previous prototypes,
catch up with my revisions to the Emacs frontend,
and, if possible, add some of the old frontend
features back in. And: activate the auto-installer;
give the search-engine installation another
once over to hopefully make something work
there. It would seem daunting if I wasn't intent
on doing "one thing at a time"!

(PS. Fun to have guest postings on Gathatoulie
now, thanks TKT!)

Monday, March 23, 2009

This is extremely amusing to me.

Bill Gates bought a book of da Vinci's scientific notes for ~$30M, and put a few images from it into his screensaver.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codex_Leicester

On the other hand, the unix world's premier screensaver, xscreensaver, features several running examples of topics of modern scientific curiosity including strange attractors and flock behavior, as well as fluid dynamics (one of da Vinci's favorite topics!). These are mostly contributed by enthusiasts as Free Software, offered voluntarily.

http://www.jwz.org/xscreensaver/screenshots/

Perhaps nothing else so concisely describes the fundamental differences between these two worlds, and their respective audiences.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

now playing

WHY I LIKE THEATER THE BEST

why can't this last forever?
because we all have to go back to
our 'normal lives'; "we are not so
self-indulgent as to want to stay
and talk forever -- or are we?"

"Speak your mind (or heart), if
you know what it's saying!"

Moments when we've
had each other's attention...
last forever?

soundtrack challenge

Here's a short and either annoying or interesting challenge:

Make a biography of yourself in the form of "the ultimate
mix tape". I suppose we should call it a playlist, in these
electronic times.

I'm wondering what these mixes will say -- about us as
people -- or otherwise!

My friend Tim and I initially tried to collaborate on ONE
ultimate mix -- but we quickly realized that a person's
taste in music is just too personal to do something like
this on a consensus basis.

My guess is that a true "ultimate mix" might be almost
as personal as a fingerprint. So the second part of
the challenge is: once we have these fascinating
records of our personal taste, what can we do with
them?

Monday, March 16, 2009

transvaluation of all values

I've decided that the most sensible thing to do is
to follow a schedule: take care of the cats in the
mornings and do work for money in the evenings.
Leave everything else open for doing my thing.

But this says something else even more interesting.
It says that lumping absolutely everything into
one bundle is completely detrimental to the
creative processes that share in this ill fate.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

87

I wonder if I'm overwhelmed or underwhelmed.
It's one thing to have too many things going on;
its' another not to have enough energy to really
do anything. Actually, I think what I'm trying to do
is "manage my energy"; so for example, I put
fairly minimal energy into the project description
I just http://metameso.org/ideas.txt

(I guess we're on a need-to-know basis when
it comes to this Noosphere stuff, and apparently
the world at large needs to know, but there's
a "but" -- and somehow that discrepancy could
take some energy to deal with.)

It's at the point where even if I don't have
(or make?) energy for much of anything else,
I need to spend my my reserve on the things
that pay me! What I'd really like would be to
have some time set aside for creative play;
that isn't as simple as just juggling the items
in my calendar; there are more organic
conditions involved.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

88 (retrospective)

I worked on installing Sphinx (http://www.sphinxsearch.com),
Monster Mountain (http://code.google.com/p/mmtn/),
LaTeXML (http://dlmf.nist.gov/LaTeXML/) and a little bit
on Hunchentoot (http://weitz.de/hunchentoot/).

So far, I learned that my old Monster Mountain "Multi-User
Semantic Network" code works as I had left it -- but there
will be a lot of hacking left to do. Sphinx installed, but
there will be some configuring to do. I did get
LaTeXML working as evidenced by this webpage:
http://metameso.org/~joe/vacuous2.html
Hunchentoot will have to wait until tomorrow or later.

I also did a quick scan through the PlanetMath corpus;
an initial survey of the way users have made their
bibliographies.

Vis a vis search: I was musing about the possibility of
storing each word that's input in any form in a separate
record, then putting in links to the places where the
words appear. That would be a lot of words and links;
I should ask Aaron Krowne about this.

More thoughts about organizations: building an organization
that develops policy is a great idea, but the policy's
going to need to go somewhere (we need a meta-policy
that isn't just talk).

contemporary ills treated with medicina de amor?

We are becoming ++infantile into older ages.
Might as well monetize it for myself.
The best sort of investments, are the ones intimately
tied into society continuing. Because if it doesn't continue,
all the investments are worthless. -- TKT

QUESTION: As a society, are we understanding
human nature better, so as to be better able to address
the concerns and issues one faces as a human via
the agency of persons in various expert-knowledge
domains, or are we suffering from certain increasing
agonies that are particular to the modern age, included,
but not limited to, alienation brought about by
hyperspecialization? -- Olli and Joe

ANSWER: (1) "If the three ages of the concept are
the encyclopedia, pedagogy, and commercial
professional training, only the second can save
us from falling from the heights of the first into
the disaster of the third -- an absolute disaster
for thought, whatever its benefits may be, of
course, from the viewpoint of universal
capitalism." -- Deleuze and Guattari, "What
is Philosophy?"

(2) Que tan mal me porte mi corazón
que me tiene tanto rencor
y me ve muriendo por culpa de tu amor.
[...]
Donde vayas mi amor
te guiaré porque no guardo rencor
en mi corazón en mi corazón.
-- Raulin Rodriguez, "Medicina de Amor"

(3) You know that little clock, the one on your
VCR, the one that's always blinking twelve
noon 'cause you never figured out how to get
in there and change it?"
-- Laurie Anderson, "Same Time Tomorrow"

THE QUESTION AGAIN?:

I suspect that I too am caught in tight loops,
for one thing, the loop that undermines my
own best efforts at "self-salvation", "self-liberation",
or "escape artistry". But these loops feed
back across the entire field of my experience.
It's like any sickness: the symptoms are
evidence of the body fighting the malady.

I think the question doesn't necessarily have
a whole lot to do with society. Yes, society
exists, but society is made up of individuals,
individual relationships, and relationships
between relationships. (This reductive
model that turns fields of experience
into pairwise relationships, or, in other
words, which narrates, would, of course,
be a problem worse than any cure if
we did not also consider maps that
go in the opposite direction, from
narration/language to experience,
e.g. "spells".) More to the point, "society"
(such as "the society of women") is
experienced in the body, or even
more to the point, by creative
subjectivities who are inclined to
make more of it than what they found
there in the first place.

And yet, there's no doubt that there is
something called human knowledge,
and folks can draw on it within and
even formatively-for their experiences.
Introducing the whipping boy of
"intellectuals", "specialists", "experts",
or even "celebrities" seems likely to
go along with the fancy psychological
move of introjection -- "a process wherein
the subject replicates in itself behaviors,
attributes or other fragments of the
surrounding world, especially of other
subjects" -- in other words, it seems
to be a move that will result in
self-castigation, or blaming oneself
for trying to solve the problem,
especially trying to solve the problem
by thinking about it.

It seems that among the various
imperatives (bodily, psychic, and
uncanny) the bodily is most likely
to dominate the others, to shove
them around, as it were. "Investing
in society" probably means finding
ways to build psychic and uncanny
counter-balances to the imperious
body. This does indeed seem
to imply "generating economic
traction/leverage" as one of several
approaches (it's important that
you said "monetize it FOR MYSELF"),
but it also seems like there are
other ways to think about things.

Ultimately, since we mostly create or
are complicit in, implicated in, or
even in some sense redeemed
by, the creation of our problems --
after all, that's what it means to be
"adults" -- we should look carefully
at the value of having, and maintaining,
problems.

This is the question, restated:
how are problems to be valued?

ACCORDINGLY, in order to establish
a process whereby we can effectively
answer this question:

Whether we see things as getting
better or worse in society or in
our lives, whether we harbor resentment
or do not harbor resentment, and
however we go about dealing with
them once we've sort of kind of
figured out what they are, we should
be vigilant about learning how our
problems are valued, by ourselves, by
others, by society; whether positively,
negatively, or from some other range
of values altogether ("Lady Sings
the Blues")....

<fade out to Tori Amos' cover of
"Strange Fruit">
http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=166877&song=Strange+Fruit

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

89 (retrospective)

Today I didn't opt to write a blog entry...
I've been having annoying back pain about
as bad as I've ever had. Luckily I also had
a health coaching session with my Aunt,
and developed a strategy that should
improve the back pain. It seems like I'm
on my way to having a more balanced existence:
which I realized recently is the source of most
of the drama in my life is the need for balance,
and intense efforts at self-communication regarding
the same.

I updated the publicly accessible files at
http://www.metameso.org/ and revised the
PDF version of my plan to reflect the 3-month
timeline I'm on. I think that the rest of the week
will go pretty well if I put forth a more consistent
effort.

To be fair, I did have an interesting
conversation about organizational principles and
peer-production cultures; all of which seems to
have matured in my life while I wasn't looking.

Monday, March 9, 2009

90

I cut up the plan at http://metameso.org/files/plan.pdf and rearranged
it so that it
would make sense on a 3-month schedule.

The overview is:

THEMATIC: The plan is settled and even nicely arranged. Now
just run it.

ONGOING: Do creative writing as a way to push the system forward
while maintaining full emotional investment in the project.

THEMATIC 2: What's this about, philosophically? I should be able
to say something to the public about it right now. In short, it's
about metamesology and empowerment.

MONTH 1: Getting everything set, goals stated, initial contacts.

MONTH 2: Major implementation push (now that my brain has
everything all nicely loaded up). What am I really going to be
able to do about all the things I wanted to do something about?
Be more public now that I can share the implementation process.

MONTH 3: Review and check work: did I achieve what I set out to
achieve? If it seems suitable, look at the browser within a browser"
as a key app. Where there are still loose ends, what can I say for
posterity? Do a final publicity run.

Since I already made a syllabus for March, I wonder how well
the overview and the cut-up plan matches what I said in that
syllabus. This week one of the things I'm going to focus on
is revisiting the plan -- that's well-underway, obviously. The
other project is to work on loading peripherals into my server,
which will help with getting things loaded into my mind too.

So that's the plan for today and this week. For future days,
also expect updates on what my creative writing experiments
are turning into, too.

Yesterday I just tried some random permutations of phrases:

(defun argument ()
(interactive)
(let ((content ...))
(nth (random (length content)) content)))

Since the phrases are interesting, random selections of
them are also interesting. However, I'm keen on the idea
of working with the content in a more structured way;
the new peripherals will help with that...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

91

Between the idea of having a schedule (my sister works 9-to-5)
and having a syllabus (my gf has weekly task lists), it seems I
can hardly go wrong! I broke the rest of the month up into weekwise
portions and then created 4x6 cards with task lists for each week.
Will repeat at the start of next month. Now I gotta go look at
the first list to see what's "on" for today!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

92

92 days left on my lease
92 days left in which to listen and learn to listen to myself.
92 days left which could end in celebration
92 days in which I have to earn my keep
92 days in which I can go for a walk
92 days that can end in sleep.

Right now I'm feeling somewhat fatigued, recovering from
or just suffering from, a cold. I feel like doing work amounts
to reaching "out of" something sluggish; but I also feel,
having had a nice cup of tea, a sense of excitement, too,
and excitement isn't sluggish, so there is something there
to reach to.

I wonder about setting up a schedule, but I also think that
when I'm sick probably isn't the time. I can go out, though,
and try to shake myself up some.

I'm somewhat proud of my "writing the contours of my life",
but I know that a mere collection of snippets isn't adequate
to such writing. Listening to this lecture by
Zizek makes me think that writing a mere collection of
snippets is cynical:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2530392910118230001
and that going beyond it towards something more special
is a much better idea.

I like the idea of working despite being zoned out.
Working on PlanetMath stuff could be fun to do in
this modality, even. I do want to get these little
essays on "transparency" finished up and circulated
soon -- so I can go on to other more "routine"
tasks. As for Arxana tasks - it's interesting because
my energy doesn't want to conform to either
setting up a good programming environment under
OS X or installing Linux, even though these both
seem like reasonable activities. I was reflecting
this morning that using the server provides me
with everything I need in terms of basics for Lisp,
and it is a good motivating place to do things like
work on an HTML presentation of some of the
work -- and besides, a lot of the programming I
want to do will be Emacs, so I don't need to upload
new Lisp code at every juncture. It makes me a
little nervous, thinking about doing programming
over the connection, but I think that's irrational,
and it would save me the trouble of installing
Linux (until later -- I should probably do that
soon) or figuring out how to make the program
work on this OS X (which again seems worth
doing at some point).

I have yet to look at the printouts of my "plan" --
maybe that would be a good place to start
the next phase.

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words cut, pasted, and otherwise munged by joe corneli otherwise known as arided.