April B and C (retrospective)

I'm feeling somewhat glum about the fact that
I don't really remember what happened towards
the end of week B; and I know I went on vacation
sometime in the midst of week C.

At the same time, I'm not glum at all to note
that I seem to have gotten all the "important"
code in the file working again -- this leaves
me with the decision between fixing up the
less important stuff too, just for the sake of
principle, or diving into some new and less
explored territory.

The other thing I'm wondering about is "how
to make work fun again". Not that it's even
been completely un-fun: it's more that I'm
realizing that feelings of dread or worry &c
tend to throw off some of the balance inherent
to the fun-ness. Any time (or worse, any
time period -- like a week) in which I seem to
drop the ball, tends to engage my stressful
feelings. I get wrapped up in the inevitability
of actuality not matching my models -- which
in fact I think is probably a good thing, since
life in a model reality would probably be
rather dull. Still, if things feel too out of
control, I get really upset. My hope is to
"start over" on a realistic scale -- and also
to acknowledge that I did get some things
done even if I didn't explicitly plan what
they would be. It doesn't mean anything
dire like "I wasn't being proactive". I have
to wonder, if I'm feeling pressured, where
is the pressure coming from? It's not as
though I'd be all that willing to opt in to
unmanageable pressure, so what gives?
I want to challenge myself to resist
getting stuck in someone else's pressure
field, while at the same time retaining
my own senses of fun and balance at
the ready.