92

92 days left on my lease
92 days left in which to listen and learn to listen to myself.
92 days left which could end in celebration
92 days in which I have to earn my keep
92 days in which I can go for a walk
92 days that can end in sleep.

Right now I'm feeling somewhat fatigued, recovering from
or just suffering from, a cold. I feel like doing work amounts
to reaching "out of" something sluggish; but I also feel,
having had a nice cup of tea, a sense of excitement, too,
and excitement isn't sluggish, so there is something there
to reach to.

I wonder about setting up a schedule, but I also think that
when I'm sick probably isn't the time. I can go out, though,
and try to shake myself up some.

I'm somewhat proud of my "writing the contours of my life",
but I know that a mere collection of snippets isn't adequate
to such writing. Listening to this lecture by
Zizek makes me think that writing a mere collection of
snippets is cynical:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2530392910118230001
and that going beyond it towards something more special
is a much better idea.

I like the idea of working despite being zoned out.
Working on PlanetMath stuff could be fun to do in
this modality, even. I do want to get these little
essays on "transparency" finished up and circulated
soon -- so I can go on to other more "routine"
tasks. As for Arxana tasks - it's interesting because
my energy doesn't want to conform to either
setting up a good programming environment under
OS X or installing Linux, even though these both
seem like reasonable activities. I was reflecting
this morning that using the server provides me
with everything I need in terms of basics for Lisp,
and it is a good motivating place to do things like
work on an HTML presentation of some of the
work -- and besides, a lot of the programming I
want to do will be Emacs, so I don't need to upload
new Lisp code at every juncture. It makes me a
little nervous, thinking about doing programming
over the connection, but I think that's irrational,
and it would save me the trouble of installing
Linux (until later -- I should probably do that
soon) or figuring out how to make the program
work on this OS X (which again seems worth
doing at some point).

I have yet to look at the printouts of my "plan" --
maybe that would be a good place to start
the next phase.