THE THINGS I FIND MOST DEPRESSING, e.g.

Anything having to do with the idea that "everyone's a
winner". If the game itself isn't fun, winning some
crummy junk is no reward.By the same token, any time a person extends themselves
beyond their limited means to obtain something cheap or
tawdry, this is the most depressing thing in the world,
because -- look, how it has me criticising their modest
enjoyment, and lamenting the "human condition"!
You want me to find the good in any situation, to see the
beauty in everyone, but I just can't do it -- every time I
try, what I see is my own duplicity; the impostiture of my
mercurial wheeling and dealing that would have the world
for its plaything and the people in it its pawns and
ragdolls. That's only me playing cat and mouse with my
emotions!Under these conditions (which are, unfortunately, the
conditions of daily life), no judgment can be trusted.
Every sight is cloak and dagger.And even so, the rhythmic sound of synth bells, the taste
of coffee with sugar, and a few minutes spent in peaceful
composition bring me back from a horribly constricted
"edge" -- but it would be my absolute undoing if I were to
learn that this moment -- was made in China.
But, no, it can't be... outside, the wind in my face as
I'm moving, my breath stirring a little bit more; and I'm
thinking... I've written a nice little piece of
existential geography -- e.g.!