health notes from the heart of saturday night

I like peers but I hate "peer pressure" (not just because of the extra
double letters either) and unfortunately I tend to react to stress by
not sleeping, partly because I typically try to readjust my mood by
doing "creative things" whereby perhaps I achieve the most tenuous
sense of "belonging". It's doubly ironic that I worry about being
"lonely" when in fact I simply can't cope with people (and the things
they seem to enjoy) 9 times out of 10. Which of course either renders
me as extremely fragile or manifestly subhuman, and I'm not sure which
I like least. No one would know until I told them what sorts of
things set me on edge, but anyway the category is general enough that
it's no wonder I'm e.g. frequently ill and avoid daylight like a
vampire. I didn't have such a full grasp of this until moving
overseas, but a lot of my life it's been variations on the same theme.