back to work

"Desktops inspire the ultimate fantasy as business accoutrements are
knocked to the floor with one fell swoop of a worsted-clad arm
(difficult with all the PC equipment, I know - all those leads and
plugs and mouse-mats), buns are unpinned, spectacles torn off, plus
all that ice-cold laminated chipboard stretching out beneath you with
just the odd unseen paperclip or stapler to mar the magic of the
moment." -- http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/when-a-colleague-becomes-a-lover-1153739.html

travel trip: day 1, remembering silent camaraderie

Are my "social" frustrations actually a mis-directed expression of
"work" or "learning" difficulties? It's interesting to imagine what
things would look/feel like if I felt my work was going swimmingly. I
do hope to learn a lot this week! -- maybe getting over the next major
hill workwise.

But I'm also thinking that there is something that feel almost
strictly "social" about the way people (can sometimes) spend time
together. I remember thinking of the college library as space of
"silent camaraderie", for example. Why did I feel like we were "all
in it together"? Maybe because in college there is a natural 3rd
party ("the college") to triangulate with -- whereas a collection of
independent researchers will typically all be triangulating against
landmarks related to their own fields, disciplines, or hobby-horses.
It's chaos!

personal

It seems I "ask" a lot and I "give" a lot, so I'm happiest in
relationships with a lot of bandwidth. Also a big plus when people
can find a way to exercise their independence *without* being
inconsiderate, imposing, or super distancing. That right there's a
lot to ask, but hopefully possible when everything's going well...!

health notes from the heart of saturday night

I like peers but I hate "peer pressure" (not just because of the extra
double letters either) and unfortunately I tend to react to stress by
not sleeping, partly because I typically try to readjust my mood by
doing "creative things" whereby perhaps I achieve the most tenuous
sense of "belonging". It's doubly ironic that I worry about being
"lonely" when in fact I simply can't cope with people (and the things
they seem to enjoy) 9 times out of 10. Which of course either renders
me as extremely fragile or manifestly subhuman, and I'm not sure which
I like least. No one would know until I told them what sorts of
things set me on edge, but anyway the category is general enough that
it's no wonder I'm e.g. frequently ill and avoid daylight like a
vampire. I didn't have such a full grasp of this until moving
overseas, but a lot of my life it's been variations on the same theme.

thinking with your !

"The parts of the homunculus that have huge representations (such as
hands, lips, and tongue) are not merely able to detect faint
sensations but can also discriminate the location of these sensations
very precisely. … The genitals, while they can easily detect faint
sensations, cannot accomplish tactile form perception." --
http://zeebees.wordpress.com/2010/02/26/how-much-of-your-brain-is-for-sex/

ugly / pretty

ugly: http://metameso.org/~joe/music/lost-wheeze.mp3
pretty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkumhBVPGdg

Went out a dance club w/ my friends for a bit this evening, the loud
music hurt my eyes (ears rather) and I decided to leave and walk home.

Thinking about folk music on the walk home.

"It is always easier to see human behavior in terms of roles when we
look backwards to earlier times, so this retrospective look makes it
easier for Reed to clarify his intentions." --
http://www.reasontorock.com/tracks/sweet_jane.html

massively obvious online denial

It's interesting to see a common category emerging: slacktivists and
slackademics alike finding it easy to say "yes" to things online, and
then not having the wherewithal (or the motivation) to follow through
in any way.

Of course, this happens offline, too: February is the season of failed
New Year's resolutions. The question or issue is not just "why", but
what if anything can we do about it!

on structurelessness

http://firstmonday.org/htbin/cgiwrap/bin/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/2613/2479

never in anger...

«Positive: The Goat can be appealing, altruistic, creative,
empathetic, intuitive, generous, artless, gentle, romantic, sensitive,
compliant, candid and self-effacing darlings. Negative: The Goat can
also be self-pitying, pessimistic, fugitive, parasitic, vengeful,
lazy, indecisive, contentious, violent, capricious, irresponsible,
tardy, careless, bigoted, nasty little pieces of work.» --
http://www.gotohoroscope.com/chinese-zodiac-ram.html

«In Genesis 2:18 ... the Hebrew expression ezer kenegdo appears,
meaning "one who is the same as the other and who surrounds, protects,
aids, helps, supports." There is no indication of inferiority or of a
secondary position in an hierarchical separation of the male and
female "spheres" of responsibility, authority, or social position.»
--http://www.godswordtowomen.org/help.htm